The thought of Apple’s AI doctor makes me a little queasy

Is AI giving you an ulcer? Good news! Soon you’ll be able to turn to AI for help with that!

Uhhhnnnn…Look out! Apple Intelligence reportedly wants to manage your health.

People in the U.S.: “Our healthcare system is broken!”
The market: “Maybe giving people wrong answers will fix it.”

Apparantly, Apple is working on “Project Mulberry,” which involves a new Health app with a health coach. If the idea of entrusting your health to a chatbot, the current crop of which is anything but confidence-inspiring, sounds like a dystopian nightmare to you, join the club. The club is called “humanity.” We meet every day. There are no dues but we also tend not to accomplish that much.

Before we start popping antacid pills over this concept, though, remember that Apple works on a lot of things that never see the light of day. And it’s not like the company’s current track record in delivering on AI projects is any better than the Macalope’s at learning programming or cleaning the basement out or saving for retirement or…

Okay, look, you know what? This isn’t about the Macalope. This is about Apple and Tim Cook’s desire to make health care a signature feature of the company’s products:

Development is now full steam ahead, with a release due as early as iOS 19.4. That update is scheduled for spring or summer of next year.

Mark Gurman, Bloomberg

Given that Apple has had such a hard time delivering a more conversational version of Siri, “as early as” seems to be doing a lot of work in that sentence.

The company is currently training the AI agent with data from physicians that it has on staff.

Mark Gurman, Bloomberg

That is, at least, a lot better than just reading the entire internet and regurgitating whatever answer happened to trend to the top on Reddit, possibly from noted health expert picklerick69. One of the most obvious problems with the current crop of AI models is that none of the companies working on them wants to do the hard work of creating defined data sets that route out the bon mots of the picklerick69s of the world, no matter how pithy they may be. “Ugh, it’s so much easier if we just let it read the entire internet, why can’t we just do thaaaaaat?” they complain as they idly toss lit matches into piles of $10,000 bills.

You don’t need an AI chat doctor to tell you that it would be seriously detrimental to your health to hold your breath until Apple delivers on this rumor.

[Apple is] also seeking to find a major doctor personality to serve as a host of sorts for the new service, which some within Apple have tentatively dubbed “Health+.”

Mark Gurman, Bloomberg

AI-delivered healthcare sounds more like Health- to the Macalope but what does he know. Best of luck to Apple in finding a spokesdoctor who doesn’t raise the ire of one group or another and best of luck to Apple and said spokesdoctor on surviving the resulting landslide of litigation waiting for them the second it goes wrong.

CNN’s Allison Morrow recently keyed a spot-on piece about AI for CNN that gets to why the Macalope does not believe for a second that an Apple Intelligence-powered doctor will be arriving any time soon. Largely in response to pie-eyed AI enthusiasm of The New York Times’ Kevin Roose, Morrow notes that while AI is great for making suggestions (which is why it’s so good for tasks like coding), it is nowhere near ready to be a true digital assistant.

If it’s 100% accurate, it’s a fantastic time saver. If it is anything less than 100% accurate, it’s useless. Because even if there’s a 2% chance it’s wrong, there’s a 2% chance you’re stranding mom at the airport…

Allicon Morrow, CNN

Now apply those same numbers to health care and you see how there might be a bit of a problem. “Looks like you have eczema. Or maybe a flesh-eating disease. Could be that, too. Hey, would you like to see some images of people in your contacts list as cats?”

Apple’s efforts in health under Tim Cook have been thoughtfully executed and provided solid value to customers (even arguably saving lives), if they have fallen short of all the company’s goals. Adding an AI “doctor” to the mix had best be done in the same deliberative manner, which means taking it slow.